There was a time in my life where people who knew me would have described me as resolute and decisive, quick to form my opinions and stubbornly strong-minded once I chose a direction. I knew what I wanted, and I was clear and deliberate in my efforts to get to my goals. But then I stepped out of the cocoon of my parent's home and ventured into the world. Life took hold of me almost immediately and shook me like a ragdoll in circumstance after circumstance that I could not control. And I was humbled. I was still highly opinionated and still very principled, but I was not nearly as self-confident as I had been in my youth. So entered the next phase of my life ...self-doubt.
I may have had my self-confidence shaken, but my ego and independent streak were intact so I did not allow myself the luxury of not making any decisions ...I simply made them, then reconsidered them, then reconsidered them again and again, until I was satisfied I had played out every scenario and made the best possible decision in every circumstance. Yeoldfurt calls this particular habit of mine 'thinking it to death' and I do believe it was one of the things about me that took him the longest to get used to when we first got married.
I happen to believe that my habit of thinking and re-thinking everything over and over again has saved me (us) from many mistakes over the years. But I also know that, in many instances, it has crippled my ability to make a decision quickly enough for us to take advantage of some good opportunities over the years. That's where Yeoldfurt has been my rescuer.
When I first met Yeoldfurt, he was instinctively the opposite of me in his basic approach to living. He charged at life like a wolf with his eye on a young buck. Sometimes his forge-ahead, consequences-be-damned attitude worked out for him. Other times it caused him a lot of grief and caused a lot of collateral damage to others. But it was all he knew. I guess I was more of a coyote type ...dogged, determined, clever (I like to think) and resourceful ...but ever wary of pitfalls along the way. Sometimes my cautious over-analytical approach worked out to my benefit. But I'm sure it also cost me a lot of opportunities over the years as well.
But, together, Yeoldfurt and I have reached a balance over the years. He has instilled in me a self-confidence that I haven't known since my youth. And I find that the more confidence I have in myself, the more confidence I feel in us. I like to think I've given Yeoldfurt some things too. These days, he listens more patiently than he used to and he's not as quick to assume that a different opinion is necessarily a criticism. I am so grateful for his strength and his decisiveness and I think he has come to appreciate my loyalty and resourcefulness.